Denial
by Midnite2ndLife
Summary: Drinking away the night, everyone knows who you will blame. MILD wincest and INFREQUENT swearing
1. Chapter 1

Pound. Lick. Bite. And repeat. Over and over, throughout the night. Two bottles gone and you finally look up at the clock. The fucking thing probably stopped ages ago. I sigh, turning back to my magazine. You slam some more back and I hear you gasp after each fiery mouthful. I finish the book, chucking it onto the bed beside me irritably and start watching you, my older brother. You grind your palms into your eyes, glancing at me with that always sharp gaze even though you're stone drunk. You go back to drinking. I snort, running a large hand through my thick messy hair, the dark locks falling about my eyes. All I hear are gasps, clunks and soft sloshing noises. I'm honestly amazed at how much Dean can drink, but who can blame him since Dad...

"That bastard...Shoulda told us he was off hunting. He shoulda bin back hours ago. Fucker."

You're so drunk you don't remember that Dad died. So drunk you probably don't realise I'm your little brother. I contemplate you as you mumble incoherently into a shot glass, flush with see-through liquid. You've given up on Tequila shooters, just having it neat.

"Shoulda gone hunting with him. I shoulda...S'all my fault. 'S never coming back now...Oh shit!"

You thump onto the table, tears flowing thick and fast down stubbly cheeks. You shake, curling like you've been physically hurt. I walk cautiously over to you, crouching next to the shuddering form which is you, putting a hand on your shoulder. You turn, anguish clear in those beautiful green eyes.

"I'm so sorry Sammy, I didn't protect you..." An emerald gaze sweeps over the scars on my naked torso, the hot weather having forced me to remove my shirt." I wasn't a good brother, I coulda done better, I cou-"

You slump into me, pressing your face into my shoulder and wrapping your arms around my chest. I simply hold my older brother, because I can't think of anything to say. We stay like that for ages, until the tears stop and you sober up enough to stand. You sway dangerously, so I carry you across the single roomed house were squatting in. I deposit your built body on the single bed, pulling your shirt off and tucking you in.

"Your gonna have one hell of a hangover in the morning Dean..."

You smiled softly, snuggling into the pillows. I turned, content with sleeping on the couch.

"Sammy? Sleep with me tonight?"

I bit my lip, nodding gently. I shed my belt, aware of your eyes on me. I debated taking of my jeans but thought better of it so I turned off the dim little light. I think you moved over, because when I felt for you so I didn't sit on you, there was only a mildly warm patch of sheets. Sinking into the bed, you shuffled closer until you rested your head on my bare chest.

"Sorry..."

I slunk an arm around your waist, feeling my own tears across my face. I murmured into his hair, on the brink of sleep, something I had been trying to deny for 20 something years.

"I wouldn't have wanted to be brought up any other way..."


	2. Chapter 2

Deans POV

I wake to warmth and one god-awful murder of a hangover. My brain has decided it likes the idea of putting posters up with 9 inch nails, driven into my skull. A groan presses through my Savannah lips as I struggle to open the sheets of sandpaper that are my eye-lids. Don't get me started on the pain. I know why they call it a hangover. Cause you want to hang your neck over the block of wood and wait for the axe.

"You awake?"

I wince. Even though Sammy's voice is soft and deep, it cuts. I groan again and my stomach lurches horribly, almost taunting me.

"Dean?"

I'm gone. Into the bathroom, on my knees, gasping over the now not so white basin. I hate the feeling when there's nothing left, but your stomach has different plans. A heavy weight on my shoulder calms me. I know that weight. That warmth. That's Sammy, my decimated mind conjures.

"Here."

A glass gets pushed into my hand, and I swig deeply, eyebrows knitted in concentration. I'm pulled to my feet and I whimper and collapse, caught in the arms of my brother.

"It's kay Dean. You had like three whole bottles last night you know?"

I chuck a half-hearted grin up to him, eyes sliding shut again. I try speaking and my voice is harsh, even for me.

"You'd be dead if you had that. Lightweight."

I notice I'm feeling better, and prise myself out of the protective hold that is Sam to collapse on the bed, still warm from my body.

"Hey Dean? Umm..."

I look at him while groping for my jacket through the bedcovers, feeling chilled in the sickness.

"You...Last night. Do you remember anything?"

I pause as my fist wraps around the worn dark leather. I don't remember. And I'm now scared.

"Not really. Why? I didn't tell you about my secret obsession with Barbie Dolls did I?"

He smiled weakly, but senses I'm trying to get him off the track, make a joke. That's right Dean, game face. He persists, those deep brown bangs hiding those deep brown eyes. Leave me alone Sam.

"About what Dad said."

I cursed silently. He wasn't going to let this go. Not without a straight, honest-to-death answer from me. I didn't want to deal with this now. It was unfair that he did this when I'm down; weak.

"You promised me Dean."

I tensed. I know I'm digging my grave if I speak, so I stay silent. I need to stop talking when I or my brother is under the influence. He remembers and I don't wanna lie. I couldn't do that to him. He speaks softly, halting turbulent thoughts.

"If anyone does, I want it to be you-"

My fists slammed into the desk, pain tearing through my reamed head at the noise and sudden movement.

"Dammit Sam! Don't say that! There's no way in hell or not that I'm gonna waste you! I'll die protecting you."

Sam whirled around to face me, face darkening from anger.

"That's it Dean. That's exactly it! You will die, trying to stop me becoming whatever I'm gonna become!"

"You're not gon-"

"Dean! You know it will! And you have to if I do. Not just because it's what I want. It was Dad's last order."

I started forward. No. He wasn't allowed to turn that on me. That was way below the belt.

"Don't you dare. Don't you do that to me Sam."

He shrugs and opens his mouth. No. I lurch forward, hand out. It slaps against his mouth, pushing him back into the wall with my momentum. He's a lot taller than me, so it's less intimidating than I would have liked.

"No. I don't care."

I feel his jaw working furiously, but my hand tightens over his mouth, making sure his arms are pinned behind him.

"I'm not going to waste my baby brother. I'll hunt down that demonic son-of-a-bitch."

I look into his chocolate eyes, making sure the deadly promise inhabits my own emerald. I stride away, run away. He calls my name and I ignore him. The Impala clicks open and I slide into cream leather seats. My hands fist around the steering wheel. Rebellious tears, slipping down a stone face, taint my lips with salty damp as I stare at the wall of the tacky little motel. Emotions flood me. A rush of pain and love for Sam, hatred for John. How dare he drop that on his eldest son's shoulders. Not something like that, not after what we have been through. I start my car, pleasant rumbling through my body. Ironically, it calms considering all the fights and anger it's seen. I don't know where I want to go; I don't know what I want to think. Actually. I know exactly what I want to think. I want our family back together, however childish that sounds coming from a 28 year old man. I want normal. I wanna look at the newspaper and not write down notes about some murder, make sure I've got enough fuel and leave town with half a ton of gun in my trunk. My eyes notice the door cracking 

open and I grunt, twist around and reverse. It's quiet here in Massachusetts. I turn the radio on, fingers brushing over the cream leather dash. Music crackles out and I listen to the lyrics before my face cracks into the first real smile all day. Like a message almost.

_Carry on my wayward son  
There'll be peace when you are done  
Lay your weary head to rest  
Don't you cry no more._


End file.
